June is all about the sky.  It started with a full moon. At times it has been full of thunder, other times as blue as can be. June has the most light. It peaked at the solstice on the 21st; and now slowly the days are shortening.  There’s no heavy darkness in the sky in June.  On Saturday night I brought the washing in at 10.35pm and could see perfectly well. 

June has not been about sleep for me.  My girl continues to wake lots.  She still sleeps best pressed into the curve of me. The light nights make falling asleep hard for her, and staying asleep in the mornings harder for Piglet.  June is for the day time. June has been survived with snacks.

We’ve had so much sunshine and warmth.  It barely feels like Scotland at all.  There was basically no rain in over 4 weeks. As much as it is wonderful to leave the house without a thought for coats or wellies, the lack of rain is a bit unsettling. Sunny with an undertone of sinister. When it did finally rain, the garden smelt amazing and the tadpoles were joyous in their makeshift baby-bath-pond.  (some of the tadpoles have little froggy back legs now!)

There’s only one day of nursery left before the school holidays.  Six weeks of unstructured mayhem lie ahead. Six weeks with my sweet, funny, willful boy and my riot girl.  The first year of being part of the school system has brought up lots of questions for me about how we preserve the magic of childhood, especially for children who don’t easily thrive in a busy setting.  I’m hoping that the summer will be a chance for Piglet to be wild and free. 

I seem to be in a season of increased anxiety at the moment. I didn’t see it coming. I’m trying to lean into it, greet it, trust it’ll move along soon enough. My nervous system feels burnt out and brittle. I’m blaming sleep deprivation, worrying about things I can’t control (which is silly billy behaviour but I can’t seem to stop it), and maybe a hormonal shift. So maybe I need the different pace of the summer holidays as much as the kids do. More outdoors, more play, more treats. In my study of the seasons, I see that there are times that life surges forward, presses for progress, and times of regrouping and recharging.  I want to work out how to apply that to my own year.  Maybe the structure of the school system with the big six week gap will create a space for fun and freedom each year (is that wishful thinking?).

As always, the little goings-on in the garden are bringing me great joy and calm.  There’s a blackbird couple nest building in the creeper outside the patio doors.  I like their constant comings and goings. There’s a wee mouse that has an evening route past the same doors. Little lives being lived under our noses, almost a total mystery to us. And I’m obsessed with watching the tadpoles bobbing about. It always brings me instantly back to myself.  I said to Piglet the other day that the we’ll need to take the tadpoles to a proper pond once they become wee froglets and he said “but we’ll miss them” and I agreed.

There’s been a bumper crop of foxgloves in the garden this year, swaying gently in the sunshine. Nice friends to have.

Yesterday morning I watched a deer grazing from the studio window.  She was so gentle.  When I was a little girl it felt physically painful to me that, to a deer, I was a threat. That my existence meant danger. Maybe that is why I nature journal, forever trying to bridge the divide.

The allotment update nobody asked for: growing things is wonderful.  I am fully converted. And Trix is never happier than sitting in the tatties, burying her wee fat legs with soil.